Albert Yuber Botox
by Blobforever
Summary: Albert and Yuber are commonly believed to be gay. This is not the case. Find out what really happened between them...
1. Chapter 1

Albert Yuber Botox:

It is commonly believed that Albert and Yuber were gay in the Suikoden manga, however this is not the case as you will see in the following, deleted chapters. All is explained. The truth is that Albert is in fact very wrinkly due to a genetic condition. He has always felt very jealous of Caesar for getting the 'good genes'. Thus he went to get Botox. He needed a suitable ploy to leave his family in order to make potch for the Botox treatment. Therefore he studied hard and became the best he could be, eventually getting a post with Luc. This meant he got paid a lot and had the perfect set up to reveal his new self to millions of people. However, he didn't want to go to a plastic surgeon he didn't know as this would be painfully embarrassing and his family might hear of him getting the surgery. He wanted to seem like his face was a medical miracle. Therefore, once he found out Yuber was a plastic surgeon, he asked him to do the injections.

'Hello Yuber!

'Hi Albert, frown lines today isn't it?'

'Yeah, but keep your voice down!'

'Don't worry, everyone thinks we're having sex!'

'Are you sure? Are you certain that guard saw you looking suspicious?'

'I made sure I tensed up when he saw me, so I assume so.'

'How tensed? You might simply have looked constipated. Are you sure it was a "Oh no I don't want someone to find out I'm gay with Albert" tensed?'

'Probably.'

'Yuber! This has to be gotten right! Show me how you tensed!'

'Like this.'

'Good. That's passable I suppose. Anyway, I have a meeting with Luc soon so hurry up.'

'Surely arriving a bit late would confirm you as being gay with me! Especially if I turn up looking rumpled as well!'

'Fine fine, just get rid of this line already.'

'Ok, you'll feel a slight scratch…'

'Finished? Now, exactly how late should I be for this meeting. Does gay sex take longer than straight sex?'

'Maybe. I'm not sure. We should find out though, to look as convincing as possible.'

'Yes definitely, I can't let anyone know I'm having Botox done.'

'Are there are any books on the subject?'

'I don't know, but it's imperative that we find out!'

'Wait! I hear someone! Quick! Start moaning or something!'

'Why should I be the one moaning? You're the uke!'

'What!? I thought I was the seme! And even if I'm not why can't the seme moan?'

'It just seems a more uke-ish thing to do!'

'Well I refuse to moan! If you don't want people to find out you're having Botox done then you'd better moan now!'

'This is so undignified!'


	2. Chapter 2

'Why are we doing it in the shower this time?'

'Because the castle is on high alert! Guards are everywhere, including just outside what they've termed our 'love room'. And you wouldn't want them to see you coming out of the room somehow less wrinkly than when you went in?'

'Maybe they'll think it's a side effect of gay sex.'

'I doubt it. Anyway what is it today?'

'Just the chin, but make sure you inject as much as possible, I keep feeling like the wrinkles come back faster than ever.'

'Okay sure, but be careful, you know that you can have too much Botox.'

'Ha, yeah right. Anyway get on with it.'

'Wait, I forgot the antiseptic! I left it in the 'love room'!'

'What! No, go get it now! My chin is horrific.'

'But what if someone sees me?'

'Improvise! But make sure you hit the right note of 'I'm gay and badly disguising it! Now go!'

'Whaa? Oh! Hello Yuber! Um, I didn't mean to pry, but I was posted outside the lov- I mean map room! Where's um, Albert?'

'Er…he's in the shower. I…have to go. Now.'

'Wait you dropped this!'

'Oh! That's….antiseptic. Thank you.'

'Antiseptic huh? Ok, fine, whatever.'

'Yes. Anyway, keep doing such a…such a fine job.'

'Albert! A guard found me!'

'Did you convince him you were gay and badly disguising it?'

'Yes, but it was close. Anyway!'

'Good, hurry up though, we've lost time and the wrinkles are multiplying. I can feel it. My chin is mutating.'

'There we are. All done.'

'I'll be back tomorrow.'


	3. Chapter 3

'Wilhelmina, pay attention to me. Do I have any wrinkles? Wilhelmina! Look at my forehead. I can sense the wrinkles forming!'

'Albert, for the third time you look amazing, you always do. There are no wrinkles, now come on, Yuber and Gertrude must be waiting.'

'But Wilhelmina, I'm sure that there are wrinkles-'

'No there aren't. Come on.'

'Wait, let me check in the mirror again.'

'Albert! Please! We're going to be late!'

'Yes yes, fine. Hmmm, maybe I can ask Yuber to bring the Botox to the restaurant. I'm sure they won't mind. What do you think?'

'For goodness sake Albert! Stop fretting! You don't need any more Botox!'

'Wilhelmina, you don't understand the gravity of the situation! Wrinkles for me are a life or death matter! It's imperative that-'

'NO IT ISN'T! For once can we just have a nice meal with friends and not mention your venom filled face! I don't care anymore, Albert I really don't!'

'Don't be like that. I didn't mean to upset you.'

'Fine. Let's go, we're past the fashionably late margin by at least ten minutes.'

'Which restaurant was it? The Pickled Truffle, right? I like the lighting there, it makes me seem less wrinkly than I am.'

'YOU DON'T HAVE ANY WRINKLES!'

'Thank you for always telling me that. You're a wonderful woman, but really darling, you must tell me when-'

'ALBERT SILVERBERG, IF WE DON'T LEAVE RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I WILL TELL CAESAR ABOUT YOUR BOTOX!'


	4. Chapter 4

'Gertrude! Darling! How are you! Yuber! You look so well!'

'You too Wilhelmina! Albert! Your skin is looking particularly smooth this evening.'

'Why thank you Gertrude! Yuber you've got yourself quite a wife!'

'Ha, I know! Shall we eat?'

'Yes lets.'

'Albert! Look behind you! It's Luc!'

'What! You're kidding! It can't be! HE'LL FIND OUT WE'RE NOT GAY AND I HAVE WRINKLES!'

'Quick! Into the bathroom!'

'Er, Gertrude, Wilhelmina please don't mention we've been here and if asked pretend you're lesbians!'

'Damn! Luc's coming into the bathroom!'

'Just keep your mouth shut and he won't know we were ever here.'

'That's just it! He saw me going in here!'

'So? You could just be eating here and taking a bathroom break.'

'The Pickled Truffle is renowned for being a _couples_ restaurant, Yuber!'

'You could be waiting for me to arrive.'

'But he'll see us when we go out of here together! Oh, this whole thing is giving me wrinkles. I want a treatment tonight.'

'Will you shut up! You keep going on about non-existent problems. Lets just pretend we're having sex ok?'

'Hmmm. That could work. Make some banging noises.'

'Banging noises?'

'Yes!'


	5. Chapter 5

'I want my forehead, chin, mouth, eyes and around my nose done. As quickly as possible.'

'Er, don't you think it's kind of soon? I mean your last treatment was only this morning.'

'I know that! You think I haven't been going out of my mind with worry at the speed that the wrinkles are coming back!?'

'But you don't have any wrinkles right now.'

'Excuse me, but I believe that I know when I am wrinkly. Stop asking questions and do your job.'

'It's my job to prevent my clients from dying due to overdoses. Albert, I've had to give up three other clients because of the frequency of your treatments. Don't you think you should ease off a bit?'

'No. I see wrinkles. I want them eliminated. Botox does that. I'm paying you to inject it. I don't see the problem.'

'You could die because you have too much snake venom in your face! That's the problem!'

'How? It's not in my brain or my organs or anything. Just the skin.'

'If your skin gets saturated with Botox, which it is now, putting more in would simply make your skin disintegrate.'

'It hasn't yet. So I must be ok.'

'Your logic is horrific. Either way I refuse to continue your treatments, no matter how much you pay me.'

'I thought you were my friend! You obviously don't care about anything that I've been working for! I have slaved to eliminate my wrinkles! I need to show the world what a miracle I am! Don't you understand Yuber?'

'It's because I'm your friend that I'm refusing you the treatment. It's obvious that you have an addiction.'

'That's it then. I'll go and find another plastic surgeon who does undercover work. If I die in the process, it'll be your fault! Botox from unsavoury sources is dangerous, but getting rid of wrinkles is a dangerous business. Goodbye Yuber.'

'Wait! This is irrational! Why don't we just talk about this? Albert!'


	6. Chapter 6

'Um, I understand that you do undercover plastic surgery?'

'Depends…'

'Do you do Botox treatments?'

'For the right price.'

'So how much to have the whole face done?'

'Rates are variable. We'll do the job and then based on the quality and your financial situation we'll work something out.'

'Fine. Just make sure every wrinkle is gone.'

'That's why Botox was invented! Now just lie down on this table.'

'You don't have a surgery? I mean I don't see any antiseptic or any sterilisers.'

'Hey, you came to us. We didn't promise fabulous standards. If you want the wrinkles gone, lie down.'

'Hmmm. As long as the wrinkles are gone.'

Later, lying in a pool of Botox, Albert awoke with a headache to find all his potch gone. He gingerly sat up and found a mirror at his feet. He picked it up and looked into it.

'At least the wrinkles are gone.' He promptly passed out again.

'Albert! Wake up! You have to wake up!'

'Ugh. Yuber? Did I pass out from a treatment? Oh, I see. Yes now I remember. At least I'm wrinkle free now.'

'Albert, you haven't had wrinkles for months. You see them when they aren't there. It's obvious that you have a problem. This is not the way to go, I mean Wilhelmina was worried sick! Come on lets go back to the castle.'

'No. You refused to give me Botox treatments, Yuber you're my friend and I don't want to lose you but being wrinkle free is my number one priority.'

'You know, Botox isn't the only option. There are lots of relaxation techniques and facial massages that will stop any wrinkles.'

'They don't guarantee anything. Botox is the only way. Now listen Yuber, if you don't give me the treatments then this is what I'll resort to.'

'Honestly Albert! You can erase people with that "Person Eraser" by John Peterson but wrinkles don't work like that! They need time and effort to be banished! And you don't even have any wrinkles! Albert you have a problem! What can I do to show you that!'

'Yuber. I know you're worried about me and I'm sure Wilhelmina is too, but I know there are wrinkles on my face. You can't tell me they're not there.'

'Look Albert, at my face. Here, put your hand on my forehead. You can feel the lines right?'

'Yes I suppose so, why don't you give yourself Botox?'

'I've been meaning to, but you've been taking all my time! Anyway, feel your forehead. Any lines?'

'Well, I can't feel them but-'

'There you are then! No wrinkles!'

'But I can sense that they're there!'

'No, Albert! They're not. It's just you making it up!'

'Are you sure?'

'Look in this mirror! Do you honestly see any wrinkles?'

'Well no, but I feel so much better after I've had a Botox treatment. If it keeps me happy then what's wrong with it?'

'Albert face it! You're addicted to Botox. You get anxiety from all the pressure you have from never feeling like you're good enough compared to Caesar, you have to orchestrate this whole war and everything against him and you have to deal with the troubles of a new relationship. All that anxiety channels into wrinkle fear and Botox eliminates that fear. Classic psychology.'

'That does make a lot of sense…Yuber…I think...I think…I'M ADDICTED TO BOTOX!'

'There, there, it's ok. No need to cry. I'm sure you're not the first person to have it happen to them. And there's lots we can do about it.'

'Really?'

'Yes. Now come on, you need to go to Wilhelmina and apologise to her. Gertrude and her have been talking about you. You've been mistreating her Albert and she's been a saint.'

'Yes, you're quite right. I have to go apologise right away.'

Eventually, Albert began psychiatric treatment for his Botox addiction. He then had Botox treatments only once a month. He got married to Wilhelmina, they now have four children. Yuber tired of Gertrude and erased her. He now claims to be gay and in love with Albert. Occasionally, Albert and Wilhelmina invite Yuber for threesomes. They are all good friends.


End file.
